1 00:00:02,803 --> 00:00:06,323 And unlike a wooden hanger, it will never depreciate. 2 00:00:06,401 --> 00:00:07,801 Tessa: In Chatswin, 3 00:00:07,835 --> 00:00:10,603 there was no end to what people were willing to spend money on. 4 00:00:10,892 --> 00:00:13,010 Noah had invested in the best surrogate 5 00:00:13,044 --> 00:00:15,997 that money could buy, but in the process... 6 00:00:16,031 --> 00:00:18,382 Whoa. Whoa. (Chuckles) El Scorcho. 7 00:00:18,416 --> 00:00:20,918 (Chuckles) Pretty heavy hand with the pepper there. 8 00:00:20,952 --> 00:00:23,204 He had become overly invested. 9 00:00:23,238 --> 00:00:25,833 Pepper is quite healthful, Noah. It's an antioxidant. 10 00:00:25,873 --> 00:00:29,747 I'm very sensitive to spice. Chances are, my baby is as well. 11 00:00:29,834 --> 00:00:32,683 (Mouth full) If eat anything that upsets the baby, I'll be the first to know. 12 00:00:32,707 --> 00:00:33,841 I'm not so sure about that. 13 00:00:33,875 --> 00:00:35,909 Us Werners tend to suffer in silence. 14 00:00:35,942 --> 00:00:37,226 (Utensil clinks) 15 00:00:37,262 --> 00:00:38,890 The men do, anyway. 16 00:00:39,313 --> 00:00:40,697 You know, I just find Alicia keys to be 17 00:00:40,748 --> 00:00:42,749 a very beautiful woman. That's all. 18 00:00:42,767 --> 00:00:45,702 (Mouth full) No one is arguing with you, dad. No one. 19 00:00:45,737 --> 00:00:47,587 Do we really have to talk about this? 20 00:00:47,605 --> 00:00:49,023 Your mother is distracted, Lisa, 21 00:00:49,024 --> 00:00:51,505 so this is the perfect time to talk about Alicia keys. 22 00:00:51,834 --> 00:00:53,301 Hey, there she is. 23 00:00:53,336 --> 00:00:54,686 (Mouth full) George! I missed you. 24 00:00:54,720 --> 00:00:57,038 Noah was protective over his investment, 25 00:00:57,073 --> 00:00:59,428 and the fact that dad was dating her didn't help. 26 00:00:59,475 --> 00:01:02,068 George! Come... pee with me. 27 00:01:02,929 --> 00:01:04,179 What's with all the sexual chemistry out there 28 00:01:04,213 --> 00:01:06,081 between you and Eden? I thought we had an agreement. 29 00:01:06,263 --> 00:01:08,873 I didn't agree to not have sexual chemistry with her. 30 00:01:08,960 --> 00:01:10,425 Look at her, man. She's gorgeous, 31 00:01:10,426 --> 00:01:11,579 and I'm crazy about her. 32 00:01:11,912 --> 00:01:13,093 What? What do you want me to do? 33 00:01:13,103 --> 00:01:16,154 Picture her insides full of blood and mucus 34 00:01:16,185 --> 00:01:17,367 and baby bones. 35 00:01:18,167 --> 00:01:19,687 I am so turned on right now. 36 00:01:19,738 --> 00:01:21,595 Not funny, George! It's not. 37 00:01:21,690 --> 00:01:23,174 Look, every time I close my eyes, 38 00:01:23,209 --> 00:01:25,310 all I can see is my beautiful fetus 39 00:01:25,345 --> 00:01:27,796 bathing in your germs and your saliva. 40 00:01:27,830 --> 00:01:29,514 It's like every time you grope her, 41 00:01:29,548 --> 00:01:32,251 you're groping my baby with your meaty peasant hands! 42 00:01:32,285 --> 00:01:35,020 How far have you gone? Te me. Tell me the truth. 43 00:01:35,038 --> 00:01:36,922 I told you. We made out once. 44 00:01:36,956 --> 00:01:39,358 Yeah, but not since the agreement, right? Not since, right? 45 00:01:40,277 --> 00:01:43,198 (Sighs) We're dating. I've kissed her. 46 00:01:43,253 --> 00:01:46,271 You kissed her where? On her face? 47 00:01:46,306 --> 00:01:48,629 On her mouth? Inside her mouth? 48 00:01:48,621 --> 00:01:50,005 Did you kiss her inside her mouth, George? 49 00:01:50,056 --> 00:01:52,874 Damn it! Tell me. I have a right to know. 50 00:01:52,909 --> 00:01:55,310 Noah, you're losing your mind. Please relax. 51 00:01:55,345 --> 00:01:57,379 I didn't want it to come to this, but it has. 52 00:01:57,413 --> 00:01:59,331 Things have gotten blurry, too blurry. 53 00:01:59,794 --> 00:02:02,796 (Sniffles) It's time that we properly defined them. 54 00:02:03,168 --> 00:02:06,621 Are you serious? A contract? (Chuckles) 55 00:02:06,672 --> 00:02:08,172 Okay, this... This is crazy, man. 56 00:02:08,190 --> 00:02:10,842 No. You're crazy, man. 57 00:02:10,876 --> 00:02:13,778 Who dates a woman full of blood and mucus and baby bones? 58 00:02:14,263 --> 00:02:16,631 Look, it's everything you agreed to when we shook. 59 00:02:16,681 --> 00:02:18,782 This is just reshaking, but with a pen. 60 00:02:24,324 --> 00:02:26,441 Well, I'm a notary. You know I'm a notary. 61 00:02:26,841 --> 00:02:28,859 I didn't know. 62 00:02:33,560 --> 00:02:35,081 Hello, Sheila. 63 00:02:38,737 --> 00:02:41,724 As a concerned neighbor, I feel it is my duty 64 00:02:41,752 --> 00:02:45,321 to warn you about the pitfalls of surrogacy. 65 00:02:45,387 --> 00:02:47,371 That woman is a toxic spill 66 00:02:47,421 --> 00:02:51,324 polluting the pristine waters of your familial love. 67 00:02:51,499 --> 00:02:52,666 (Turns off faucet) Trust me, Jill. 68 00:02:52,747 --> 00:02:54,515 I am speaking from experience here. 69 00:02:54,676 --> 00:02:57,755 Once she passes that placenta, her hormones will plummet, 70 00:02:57,814 --> 00:02:58,988 and so will her sanity. 71 00:02:59,027 --> 00:03:02,901 Her sole focus will become stealing your husband, your baby, or both. 72 00:03:02,935 --> 00:03:06,226 She's probably fantasizing about pushing you down a flight of stairs right now. 73 00:03:06,929 --> 00:03:09,302 Always a pleasure, Sheila. 74 00:03:14,547 --> 00:03:15,847 (Toilet flushes in distance) 75 00:03:16,420 --> 00:03:17,905 Thank you, dear. 76 00:03:20,619 --> 00:03:23,545 Sync and corrected by dr.jackson for www.addic7ed.com 77 00:03:23,584 --> 00:03:28,354 (Alih Jay) ♪ last night I had a pleasant nightmare ♪ 78 00:03:28,388 --> 00:03:31,574 ♪ da-da-da-da, da, da, da, da ♪ 79 00:03:32,839 --> 00:03:34,877 It's so cute, 80 00:03:34,911 --> 00:03:38,278 and chef Alan is a chef, so it's perfect! 81 00:03:38,324 --> 00:03:40,249 Of course it's perfect. 82 00:03:40,267 --> 00:03:41,551 It's as if someone with crystal eyes 83 00:03:41,585 --> 00:03:42,718 looked into your heart 84 00:03:42,752 --> 00:03:44,616 and crystallized your love for him. 85 00:03:45,187 --> 00:03:46,272 Pricey, though. 86 00:03:46,306 --> 00:03:48,007 Look, if you think I'm gonna pressure you 87 00:03:48,041 --> 00:03:52,144 into buying this 35-pound crystal chef's hat, I'm not. 88 00:03:52,196 --> 00:03:53,145 You're not? 89 00:03:53,197 --> 00:03:54,730 Of course not. 90 00:03:54,764 --> 00:03:57,933 This crystal was clearly made for chef Alan. 91 00:03:57,951 --> 00:04:00,707 If you don't buy it, I'm sure somebody else will. 92 00:04:01,622 --> 00:04:04,574 It would be a shame for that other person to soak up all that glory... 93 00:04:04,608 --> 00:04:05,791 I'll take it! 94 00:04:05,826 --> 00:04:09,278 Somebody's gonna get lucky tonight. 95 00:04:10,051 --> 00:04:12,415 Girl, you are amazing. 96 00:04:12,449 --> 00:04:14,467 No one pushes crystal rock like you. 97 00:04:14,501 --> 00:04:17,003 I have to admit, it's a rush. 98 00:04:17,054 --> 00:04:19,305 I never thought I'd be good at this sort of thing, 99 00:04:19,339 --> 00:04:23,476 and I am loving my new disposable income. 100 00:04:23,510 --> 00:04:26,111 Let me tell you, as a newly independent woman, 101 00:04:26,150 --> 00:04:27,851 earning your own money is like 102 00:04:27,902 --> 00:04:30,050 icing on the cake of liberation! 103 00:04:30,073 --> 00:04:33,458 Dallas, I think it's really awesome, what you did. 104 00:04:33,775 --> 00:04:35,859 Instead of getting depressed about your divorce, 105 00:04:35,910 --> 00:04:38,028 you decided to try something new, 106 00:04:38,047 --> 00:04:40,411 and... now look. 107 00:04:40,999 --> 00:04:42,393 You're a huge success. 108 00:04:42,429 --> 00:04:44,764 We're a huge success. 109 00:04:49,257 --> 00:04:50,757 "Tessa Altman. 110 00:04:50,792 --> 00:04:52,977 Ultimate sales manager grand supreme." 111 00:04:53,041 --> 00:04:54,758 I made up that title myself. 112 00:04:55,074 --> 00:04:56,793 Thank you, Tessa. 113 00:04:57,042 --> 00:04:59,577 Thank you, Dallas. (Door bells jingle) 114 00:04:59,934 --> 00:05:01,360 (Growls) Great to see you, hanson. 115 00:05:01,634 --> 00:05:02,845 You're looking well. 116 00:05:03,521 --> 00:05:05,138 (Growls) 117 00:05:05,172 --> 00:05:06,687 And, Tessa... 118 00:05:06,911 --> 00:05:08,733 Along with your new promotion comes 119 00:05:08,776 --> 00:05:12,534 a new crystal-encrusted crystal cup of crystals uniform! 120 00:05:12,573 --> 00:05:13,947 (Gasps) 121 00:05:14,144 --> 00:05:16,538 - Is that a... - A chiffon wristlet! 122 00:05:17,568 --> 00:05:21,090 Thanks, Dallas. It's amazing. 123 00:05:21,129 --> 00:05:22,055 You're amazing. 124 00:05:22,073 --> 00:05:24,991 I can see you following in my footsteps someday. 125 00:05:25,009 --> 00:05:27,945 George must be so proud of how hard you're working. 126 00:05:28,872 --> 00:05:31,231 Honestly, I haven't seen much of my dad lately. 127 00:05:31,831 --> 00:05:32,749 Oh, no? 128 00:05:33,406 --> 00:05:35,724 In fact, George's romance with Eden... Hey. 129 00:05:35,759 --> 00:05:37,726 Was entering its second trimester, 130 00:05:37,761 --> 00:05:39,478 and I still hadn't even met the woman. 131 00:05:39,545 --> 00:05:41,430 You know, if all these people planted 132 00:05:41,464 --> 00:05:42,915 vegetables instead of grass, 133 00:05:42,949 --> 00:05:45,584 they could put a huge dent in the world's hunger crisis. 134 00:05:45,602 --> 00:05:48,070 You... that... that... that is what I love about you. 135 00:05:48,104 --> 00:05:49,588 I see a dude watering his lawn, 136 00:05:49,623 --> 00:05:53,325 and you see an opportunity to heal the world. 137 00:05:53,343 --> 00:05:55,046 I can't wait for Tessa to meet you. 138 00:05:56,329 --> 00:05:57,763 - Ooh! - You all right? 139 00:05:57,781 --> 00:05:58,731 Oh, man. (Chuckles) 140 00:05:58,765 --> 00:05:59,782 That was a good one. You okay? 141 00:05:59,833 --> 00:06:01,383 Oh. You want to feel the baby kick? 142 00:06:01,434 --> 00:06:04,086 Oh. No. I shouldn't feel anything. 143 00:06:04,120 --> 00:06:05,638 (Clicks tongue) 144 00:06:06,000 --> 00:06:08,559 Oh. Was that... 145 00:06:08,824 --> 00:06:09,825 (Laughs) 146 00:06:10,571 --> 00:06:12,011 Cool. Yeah. I felt it. 147 00:06:12,979 --> 00:06:14,813 You want to feel something else? 148 00:06:15,816 --> 00:06:17,651 - Baby bones! - Oh. 149 00:06:18,143 --> 00:06:19,039 What? 150 00:06:19,112 --> 00:06:20,978 - Is everything okay, George? - Mm hmm. 151 00:06:21,135 --> 00:06:23,403 Because I feel like you pull away every time I try 152 00:06:23,437 --> 00:06:25,127 - to get intimate with you. - Well, yes, 153 00:06:25,174 --> 00:06:27,306 but that's usually only when I have to go number two. 154 00:06:29,794 --> 00:06:30,927 Oh. 155 00:06:30,961 --> 00:06:32,078 (Clears throat) 156 00:06:32,112 --> 00:06:33,997 That is intimate. 157 00:06:34,607 --> 00:06:38,205 Look, until you've bathed in a solid crystal bathtub, 158 00:06:38,323 --> 00:06:39,724 you haven't bathed at all. 159 00:06:39,758 --> 00:06:40,791 Hi. I... 160 00:06:40,826 --> 00:06:42,577 It is one of those over-the-top indulgences 161 00:06:42,628 --> 00:06:46,182 that is worth every penny, like an armored vehicle. 162 00:06:46,257 --> 00:06:48,206 Just... think about it. 163 00:06:48,400 --> 00:06:49,945 I have other customers waiting. 164 00:06:50,636 --> 00:06:52,236 (Sighs) You must be... 165 00:06:52,270 --> 00:06:53,921 - Eden. Hi. - Tessa Altman... 166 00:06:53,972 --> 00:06:56,607 Ultimate sales manager grand supreme. 167 00:06:56,625 --> 00:06:57,842 Eden, did you meet... 168 00:06:58,470 --> 00:07:00,924 The person who used to be my daughter? (Chuckles) 169 00:07:01,018 --> 00:07:02,980 Tessa, what happened to you? 170 00:07:02,998 --> 00:07:06,877 I got promoted. See? 171 00:07:06,987 --> 00:07:09,731 Okay. Wow. Really? 172 00:07:09,825 --> 00:07:10,235 Mm-hmm. 173 00:07:10,236 --> 00:07:11,876 Is that what all these boxes are about? 174 00:07:11,930 --> 00:07:14,798 Kind of. Dallas said I needed to step up my image 175 00:07:14,822 --> 00:07:16,708 in order to invite success. 176 00:07:16,849 --> 00:07:18,975 If I showed up to work looking like you, George, 177 00:07:19,009 --> 00:07:21,044 people would think I was there to clean the floors, 178 00:07:21,424 --> 00:07:23,704 which I'm not... (Chuckles) Except for when we're closed. 179 00:07:23,790 --> 00:07:25,198 Whoa. 180 00:07:25,895 --> 00:07:28,319 This purse cost more than every article of clothing 181 00:07:28,366 --> 00:07:30,583 I have ever owned... Combined. 182 00:07:30,731 --> 00:07:32,989 I guess, economically, 183 00:07:33,769 --> 00:07:35,804 you and I are in different places, George. 184 00:07:36,491 --> 00:07:38,673 Hmm. It was great meeting you. 185 00:07:38,707 --> 00:07:39,724 (Bluetooth rings) 186 00:07:39,758 --> 00:07:42,223 Go for Tessa. You changed your mind? 187 00:07:42,527 --> 00:07:44,479 No, it's still available. We need a 10% deposit. 188 00:07:44,513 --> 00:07:46,331 I briefly take my eye off the ball, 189 00:07:46,382 --> 00:07:48,040 and she turns into Imelda Marcos. (Sighs) 190 00:07:48,071 --> 00:07:49,755 Oh, she seemed great. 191 00:07:49,790 --> 00:07:51,357 What? She seemed awful. 192 00:07:51,391 --> 00:07:52,341 The hair and the nails and the shopping... 193 00:07:52,359 --> 00:07:54,109 That is not Tessa. 194 00:07:54,127 --> 00:07:55,311 I wouldn't be too hard on her. 195 00:07:55,338 --> 00:07:57,539 It sounds like her friend Dallas 196 00:07:57,663 --> 00:07:59,214 is the one pushing her into this, 197 00:07:59,248 --> 00:08:00,916 and that's how teenagers are. 198 00:08:00,950 --> 00:08:02,767 Oh, Dallas is no teenager, though. 199 00:08:02,802 --> 00:08:04,169 No, she's a full-grown woman. 200 00:08:04,203 --> 00:08:05,770 (Chuckles) Full-grown! 201 00:08:05,804 --> 00:08:09,107 Oh. Well, it's very normal for girls to pattern themselves 202 00:08:09,141 --> 00:08:11,064 after the women in their lives. 203 00:08:11,181 --> 00:08:13,811 Sounds like Dallas is her primary influence. 204 00:08:13,830 --> 00:08:16,248 Well, that's kinda why I wanted her to meet you. 205 00:08:16,570 --> 00:08:17,651 Ohh. 206 00:08:21,082 --> 00:08:22,805 Dernk! (Clears throat) 207 00:08:25,131 --> 00:08:26,467 (Under breath) "Dernk"? 208 00:08:32,379 --> 00:08:35,347 "I'm speaking from experience"... 209 00:08:36,875 --> 00:08:39,910 That's what Sheila Shay said when I overheard her talking 210 00:08:39,928 --> 00:08:41,061 in the bathroom, 211 00:08:41,096 --> 00:08:43,297 and that sentence just kept gnawing at me. 212 00:08:43,331 --> 00:08:44,498 I knew there was something to it. 213 00:08:44,532 --> 00:08:46,917 There had to be, so I went through every box 214 00:08:46,951 --> 00:08:50,170 in the garage, until I found this. 215 00:08:52,371 --> 00:08:53,769 "Homeland adoption"? 216 00:08:54,146 --> 00:08:55,446 Exactly. 217 00:08:55,534 --> 00:08:56,575 Uh, I don't get it. 218 00:08:56,610 --> 00:08:59,066 Why is the woman I call "mother" driven into hysterics 219 00:08:59,109 --> 00:09:00,593 because someone's using a surrogate? 220 00:09:00,621 --> 00:09:01,934 (Chuckles) She's driven into hysterics 221 00:09:01,964 --> 00:09:03,915 over people not putting Rosemary in their chicken salad, 222 00:09:03,950 --> 00:09:05,643 which is actually really good. (Chuckles) 223 00:09:05,696 --> 00:09:07,181 She's fixated on the idea 224 00:09:07,198 --> 00:09:09,988 that someone can lay claim to someone else's baby, 225 00:09:10,001 --> 00:09:11,160 and why? 226 00:09:14,413 --> 00:09:15,812 Because I'm adopted, 227 00:09:16,856 --> 00:09:18,069 and after all these years, 228 00:09:18,098 --> 00:09:20,699 my real mother has been out there looking for me. 229 00:09:20,914 --> 00:09:22,734 Seems a little far-fetched, if you ask me. 230 00:09:22,768 --> 00:09:24,776 My real mother could be Tori Amos. 231 00:09:24,788 --> 00:09:25,721 No. 232 00:09:26,359 --> 00:09:27,472 Edie Brickell. 233 00:09:28,031 --> 00:09:29,491 Have you seen my fart joke book? 234 00:09:29,542 --> 00:09:30,793 I got a big phone call coming up, 235 00:09:30,827 --> 00:09:32,461 and I need to make a joke about a fart. 236 00:09:32,512 --> 00:09:34,811 Get out of my room. 237 00:09:40,420 --> 00:09:41,687 (Knock on door) 238 00:09:41,721 --> 00:09:43,055 Hey. You got a sec? 239 00:09:43,089 --> 00:09:44,339 Sure. What's up? 240 00:09:44,374 --> 00:09:45,374 Well, I feel like it's been ages 241 00:09:45,425 --> 00:09:47,300 since we had a chance to talk one-on-one. 242 00:09:47,347 --> 00:09:49,189 Cut the cuticles or just push back? 243 00:09:49,244 --> 00:09:51,079 - Just push back, please. - Okay. 244 00:09:51,212 --> 00:09:54,596 Costs more for the home visits, but it is worth it. 245 00:09:54,776 --> 00:09:55,980 Ibiza's excellent. 246 00:09:56,011 --> 00:09:56,814 Thank you. 247 00:09:56,837 --> 00:09:59,277 You know you're allowed to save money, right? It doesn't expire. 248 00:09:59,294 --> 00:10:00,319 It's for work. 249 00:10:00,635 --> 00:10:03,614 Dallas says, "our nails are not just nails. 250 00:10:04,302 --> 00:10:06,570 They are crystal display sticks." 251 00:10:06,621 --> 00:10:08,175 Are you sure that wasn't Imelda Marcos? 252 00:10:08,214 --> 00:10:09,104 I don't know what that means. 253 00:10:09,129 --> 00:10:10,557 It turns out there's a Fellini festival 254 00:10:10,566 --> 00:10:11,950 a couple towns over... Starts next Tuesday. 255 00:10:11,984 --> 00:10:13,501 I was thinking the three of us could go. 256 00:10:13,536 --> 00:10:16,271 Uh, I'm not sure Ibiza likes Fellini. 257 00:10:16,305 --> 00:10:18,239 Too quirky for the sake of being quirky. 258 00:10:18,274 --> 00:10:19,503 I meant you, me, and Eden. 259 00:10:19,534 --> 00:10:21,895 Oh! (Chuckles) What day were you thinking? 260 00:10:21,942 --> 00:10:23,042 - Any day. - Ohh. 261 00:10:23,085 --> 00:10:25,819 Any day is tough for me. I work after school. 262 00:10:25,912 --> 00:10:26,988 Well, couldn't you take a day off? 263 00:10:27,022 --> 00:10:27,989 It's been forever since you and I have seen 264 00:10:28,024 --> 00:10:29,212 a Fellini movie together. 265 00:10:29,259 --> 00:10:30,909 Oh, that is great, Ibiza. 266 00:10:30,943 --> 00:10:32,998 Fleshy nude? Yeah. Thanks. 267 00:10:33,529 --> 00:10:35,867 Look, I don't... I don't have my calendar with me. 268 00:10:35,906 --> 00:10:38,664 How about you leave me a voice mail with the details? 269 00:10:38,867 --> 00:10:40,268 - I should be able to make June work. - Yeah. 270 00:10:40,302 --> 00:10:42,921 July at the latest. 271 00:10:43,332 --> 00:10:45,831 Tessa is doing such an amazing job. 272 00:10:45,929 --> 00:10:47,246 I just wish some of her work ethic 273 00:10:47,264 --> 00:10:49,265 would rub off on Dalia. 274 00:10:49,299 --> 00:10:51,067 Uh, oh, well... (Chuckles) 275 00:10:51,101 --> 00:10:53,069 That's actually what I wanted to talk to you about. 276 00:10:53,103 --> 00:10:55,371 See, I'm worried Tessa may be working too hard. 277 00:10:55,422 --> 00:10:56,505 (Gasps) Oh, my gosh. 278 00:10:56,540 --> 00:10:58,391 Has she fallen behind on her studies? 279 00:10:58,425 --> 00:11:00,192 - No. - Does she seem physically stressed 280 00:11:00,227 --> 00:11:01,968 or mentally exhausted? 281 00:11:01,999 --> 00:11:03,740 Well, no, not really. 282 00:11:03,787 --> 00:11:05,137 I just think Tessa is getting 283 00:11:05,171 --> 00:11:08,941 a little wrapped up in the whole crystal business. 284 00:11:08,975 --> 00:11:10,859 Well, yes, she most certainly is. 285 00:11:10,910 --> 00:11:12,711 She's a little crystal superstar. 286 00:11:12,997 --> 00:11:14,831 Yeah, but I feel like she's missing out 287 00:11:14,849 --> 00:11:16,800 on the opportunity to care about things that 288 00:11:16,834 --> 00:11:19,301 aren't made of crystal... (Chuckles) 289 00:11:20,186 --> 00:11:21,451 And to get to know Eden. 290 00:11:21,497 --> 00:11:24,149 (Gasps) Eden. I see. 291 00:11:24,559 --> 00:11:26,694 Well, George, this may be none of my beeswax, 292 00:11:26,728 --> 00:11:28,112 but I'm gonna share a little advice 293 00:11:28,146 --> 00:11:30,280 that Dalia's shrink gave me... 294 00:11:30,298 --> 00:11:32,416 "Lovers come and go, so it's best not 295 00:11:32,434 --> 00:11:33,684 "to bring 'em around your kinder 296 00:11:33,718 --> 00:11:35,285 until you're kinda sure you're kindred." 297 00:11:37,215 --> 00:11:38,498 Well, that's the thing, Dallas. 298 00:11:38,516 --> 00:11:41,496 I-I think Eden and I may be kindred. 299 00:11:41,953 --> 00:11:44,871 I mean, I hope we are. 300 00:11:47,566 --> 00:11:49,192 Wow. 301 00:11:49,437 --> 00:11:51,558 I didn't realize you two were so serious. 302 00:11:53,398 --> 00:11:55,866 Well, that's terrific, George. 303 00:11:55,900 --> 00:11:57,684 So... you'll help? 304 00:11:57,702 --> 00:11:59,519 Well, of course I will. (Chuckles) 305 00:11:59,537 --> 00:12:01,855 I wouldn't want my business standing in the way 306 00:12:01,873 --> 00:12:03,540 of your blissness. 307 00:12:03,574 --> 00:12:06,746 (Chuckles) Right. Well, thank you, Dallas. 308 00:12:08,078 --> 00:12:10,276 Mommy, your wi-fi sucks. 309 00:12:10,729 --> 00:12:12,401 I know it does, honey. 310 00:12:30,940 --> 00:12:32,708 What are you looking for? 311 00:12:32,726 --> 00:12:34,366 Family secrets. 312 00:12:34,745 --> 00:12:37,351 They keep those in the potting shed. 313 00:12:41,529 --> 00:12:43,448 (Door creaking) 314 00:12:54,898 --> 00:12:56,882 (Creaks) 315 00:13:01,882 --> 00:13:03,839 (Creaks) 316 00:13:09,951 --> 00:13:11,087 Gotcha. 317 00:13:13,987 --> 00:13:15,320 I feel so much more comfortable 318 00:13:15,355 --> 00:13:16,772 having my pregnancy portrait done 319 00:13:16,806 --> 00:13:19,041 now that I'm not actually pregnant. 320 00:13:19,075 --> 00:13:21,410 My pregnancy portrait from last time looked so... 321 00:13:21,461 --> 00:13:24,646 Fat. Yeah. No, I see it. 322 00:13:25,197 --> 00:13:27,048 No, th-this pregnancy has been kind to you. 323 00:13:27,083 --> 00:13:29,317 I gotta say that. You look fabulous. 324 00:13:29,351 --> 00:13:31,119 I feel sensational. 325 00:13:33,061 --> 00:13:34,835 Thanks again, Mrs. Shay, 326 00:13:34,881 --> 00:13:36,724 for insisting on carrying my produce. 327 00:13:36,759 --> 00:13:39,377 Well, you know what they say about lifting things 328 00:13:39,411 --> 00:13:41,296 when you're pregnant... Don't. (Laughs) 329 00:13:41,347 --> 00:13:42,713 (Chuckles) (Noah) Eden's home! 330 00:13:42,731 --> 00:13:44,682 (Claps hands) Just in time. 331 00:13:44,700 --> 00:13:46,000 (Chuckles) 332 00:13:46,401 --> 00:13:48,920 That was an awfully warm welcome. 333 00:13:48,938 --> 00:13:50,905 Do you want my belly in the portrait? 334 00:13:50,940 --> 00:13:52,674 No! No. No, no, no. 335 00:13:52,708 --> 00:13:54,809 (Chuckles) I want to work on some early language techniques 336 00:13:54,844 --> 00:13:56,294 with the fetus. (Raised voice) Hello, fetus! 337 00:13:56,312 --> 00:13:58,641 (Normal voice) It's Dr. Noah Werner... ohh. 338 00:13:58,720 --> 00:13:59,636 A.K.A. Your dad. 339 00:13:59,687 --> 00:14:01,038 Whoa. (Chuckles) 340 00:14:01,072 --> 00:14:02,339 Uh, if you've been paying attention in there, 341 00:14:02,373 --> 00:14:05,409 you know that China is the largest holder of U.S. debt, 342 00:14:05,443 --> 00:14:08,227 so I think it's prudent that you learn a little mandarin. 343 00:14:08,363 --> 00:14:09,613 (Raised voice) "Ni hao"! 344 00:14:09,664 --> 00:14:12,416 Noah, your baby doesn't even have eyelashes yet. 345 00:14:12,450 --> 00:14:14,196 I don't think it's gonna learn Chinese. 346 00:14:14,323 --> 00:14:15,490 If you really wanted to be helpful, 347 00:14:15,522 --> 00:14:17,104 you'd give me a foot massage. 348 00:14:17,138 --> 00:14:19,339 Carrying your baby around is killer on the arches. 349 00:14:19,374 --> 00:14:20,641 Really? I'm surprised. 350 00:14:20,675 --> 00:14:22,874 Those lesbian clogs look comfortable, if nothing else. 351 00:14:22,946 --> 00:14:25,715 So, Eden, how are things going with George Altman? 352 00:14:25,818 --> 00:14:28,186 Good, I think. He got to feel the baby kick the other day. 353 00:14:28,299 --> 00:14:30,150 (Strained voice) He did? That's... (Chuckles) 354 00:14:30,184 --> 00:14:31,151 Ohh. 355 00:14:31,169 --> 00:14:32,953 - (Eden) That's great, Noah. - My. 356 00:14:32,987 --> 00:14:35,689 Seems your husband has nearly brought her to ecstasy. 357 00:14:35,916 --> 00:14:37,894 I don't know if I'd say that, 358 00:14:38,011 --> 00:14:40,444 but it is a darn good foot massage. 359 00:14:40,814 --> 00:14:41,864 I gotta scoot, though. 360 00:14:41,899 --> 00:14:43,683 George and I are taking Tessa to a movie. 361 00:14:43,717 --> 00:14:45,551 No. No, no, no. Not today you're not. 362 00:14:45,586 --> 00:14:47,570 Uh, we have the ultrasound scheduled. 363 00:14:47,588 --> 00:14:48,554 That's not till next week. 364 00:14:48,589 --> 00:14:49,872 We moved it up. 365 00:14:49,907 --> 00:14:51,507 Our numerologist needs to know the sex of the baby 366 00:14:51,542 --> 00:14:53,184 so he can get started on names. 367 00:14:53,238 --> 00:14:54,903 I wish you would have told me. 368 00:14:55,588 --> 00:14:57,313 I'm telling you now. 369 00:14:58,364 --> 00:14:59,115 Oh. 370 00:14:59,653 --> 00:15:01,292 Next time, George, I'd appreciate it 371 00:15:01,331 --> 00:15:02,814 if you let me schedule my own days off. 372 00:15:02,862 --> 00:15:04,195 Well, Fellini waits for no man. 373 00:15:04,246 --> 00:15:05,330 Trust me, Tessa. 374 00:15:05,381 --> 00:15:07,482 This is gonna be fun. (Cell phone rings) 375 00:15:07,516 --> 00:15:09,551 Hey, Eden. We're almost there. 376 00:15:09,585 --> 00:15:11,156 I'm sorry. I can't go. 377 00:15:11,251 --> 00:15:13,535 Jill moved the ultrasound without telling me. 378 00:15:13,656 --> 00:15:15,140 (Jill) I'm telling you now! 379 00:15:15,191 --> 00:15:16,891 Bummer. Well, I-I guess... 380 00:15:16,925 --> 00:15:18,309 I guess they can't do that without you, huh? 381 00:15:18,360 --> 00:15:20,145 (Chuckles) Believe me, I wish they could. 382 00:15:20,179 --> 00:15:22,096 (Lowered voice) George, they're acting really weird. 383 00:15:22,131 --> 00:15:23,515 Jill's all uptight, 384 00:15:23,549 --> 00:15:25,083 and I don't even know what's going on with Noah. 385 00:15:25,117 --> 00:15:27,435 Every time I mention your name, he tweaks out. 386 00:15:27,470 --> 00:15:28,636 (Noah) Is that George?! 387 00:15:28,670 --> 00:15:29,938 Okay, ok... You know what? 388 00:15:29,972 --> 00:15:33,040 Maybe Tessa and I should come with you for moral support. 389 00:15:33,058 --> 00:15:35,894 Really? You guys would do that? 390 00:15:35,945 --> 00:15:38,899 Of course. Yeah, yeah, yeah. W-we'll see you there. 391 00:15:40,047 --> 00:15:42,332 Now I'm just missing work to go watch your girlfriend 392 00:15:42,366 --> 00:15:43,416 get her baby checked? 393 00:15:43,451 --> 00:15:44,601 It'll be better than Fellini. 394 00:15:44,635 --> 00:15:46,683 It'll be Felliniesque. (Chuckles) 395 00:15:48,664 --> 00:15:50,782 Hello. We're Fred and Sheila Shay, 396 00:15:50,945 --> 00:15:53,807 and we would love to welcome another special life... 397 00:15:53,913 --> 00:15:54,913 (Voice breaks) Into our home. 398 00:15:54,964 --> 00:15:56,381 (Under breath) Keep it together, Fred. 399 00:15:56,416 --> 00:15:58,550 (Normal voice) We love to travel. 400 00:15:58,585 --> 00:16:00,897 Uh, yeah, we just went... (Voice breaks) To Costa Rica. 401 00:16:00,999 --> 00:16:02,755 We love waterskiing, 402 00:16:02,789 --> 00:16:05,741 um, and we have a chr... A strong Christian faith. 403 00:16:05,938 --> 00:16:08,432 Uh, we've got so much love to give. 404 00:16:08,479 --> 00:16:10,847 Yeah. (Voice breaking) So many blessings to share. 405 00:16:10,882 --> 00:16:12,465 Won't you please consider us? 406 00:16:12,500 --> 00:16:14,005 Ohh. Now you've got me going. 407 00:16:14,060 --> 00:16:14,734 (Chuckles) 408 00:16:14,752 --> 00:16:16,169 (Lisa) Disgusting. 409 00:16:16,203 --> 00:16:17,851 Okay, it's weird. I'll give you that, 410 00:16:17,913 --> 00:16:19,005 but it's inconclusive. 411 00:16:19,040 --> 00:16:22,259 Malik, they tricked some poor acoustic songstress 412 00:16:22,293 --> 00:16:25,265 with naturally curly hair into giving me up... 413 00:16:26,103 --> 00:16:27,370 With lies. 414 00:16:27,495 --> 00:16:28,593 They don't water-ski. 415 00:16:28,628 --> 00:16:30,277 Lisa, even if you are adopted, 416 00:16:30,325 --> 00:16:31,792 how is that gonna change anything? 417 00:16:31,844 --> 00:16:33,711 You're a Shay now. That's all that matters. 418 00:16:33,746 --> 00:16:34,996 (Scoffs) That is not all that matters. 419 00:16:35,030 --> 00:16:37,098 If I'm not biologically related to my family, 420 00:16:37,133 --> 00:16:38,299 then there's still hope. 421 00:16:38,334 --> 00:16:40,178 I can grow up to be anyone. 422 00:16:40,886 --> 00:16:43,822 Hey. Aren't we gonna make out? 423 00:16:44,191 --> 00:16:46,529 Malik, I'm obviously going through some stuff right now. 424 00:16:46,574 --> 00:16:48,992 Just handle your own business, okay? 425 00:16:52,321 --> 00:16:53,317 (Siren wailing in distance) 426 00:16:53,496 --> 00:16:55,333 Wow. I've never had an audience this big before. (Chuckles) 427 00:16:55,365 --> 00:16:56,782 Well, some of us are having a hard time respecting 428 00:16:56,833 --> 00:16:58,033 other people's boundaries. 429 00:16:58,051 --> 00:16:59,935 I couldn't agree more. 430 00:16:59,969 --> 00:17:01,954 Oh, that... that is hilarious, coming from you. 431 00:17:01,988 --> 00:17:03,255 What is that supposed to mean? 432 00:17:03,289 --> 00:17:04,506 You know exactly what it's supposed to mean. 433 00:17:04,541 --> 00:17:06,141 Tessa, if you keep looking at the monitor, 434 00:17:06,175 --> 00:17:07,276 you'll see the baby in a minute. 435 00:17:07,310 --> 00:17:08,494 Would someone like to spread the jelly? 436 00:17:08,528 --> 00:17:10,098 - Oh, I'll do it. - I'll do it. 437 00:17:10,153 --> 00:17:11,334 He wants to touch her bare tummy. 438 00:17:11,365 --> 00:17:12,898 Noah, don't touch her bare tummy. 439 00:17:12,909 --> 00:17:15,277 Why does he get to do it? It's my baby in there. 440 00:17:15,312 --> 00:17:17,301 It's fine. I-I'd be happy to do it myself. 441 00:17:17,341 --> 00:17:18,673 That's a great idea. 442 00:17:19,810 --> 00:17:20,927 (Whispers) Sorry. 443 00:17:20,961 --> 00:17:22,062 (Squirts) (Inhales sharply) 444 00:17:22,096 --> 00:17:23,063 Is that cold? 445 00:17:23,097 --> 00:17:24,717 (George and Eden chuckle) 446 00:17:24,764 --> 00:17:28,287 Can you talk a little bit about the advantage of maintaining 447 00:17:28,327 --> 00:17:30,378 a healthy sex life during pregnancy? 448 00:17:30,419 --> 00:17:32,969 I think it might put someone's mind at ease. 449 00:17:32,996 --> 00:17:35,186 My mind? Is she talking about my mind? 450 00:17:35,202 --> 00:17:37,489 I doubt she's talking about your mind, Noah. 451 00:17:37,538 --> 00:17:38,922 I'm talking about George's mind. (Chuckles) 452 00:17:39,097 --> 00:17:41,265 That's what the "dernk" was about, wasn't it? 453 00:17:41,300 --> 00:17:42,645 Sweetheart, uh, can we talk about this later? 454 00:17:42,690 --> 00:17:44,002 There was a dernk? You dernked her? 455 00:17:44,042 --> 00:17:45,459 Anyone want anything from the vending machine? 456 00:17:45,493 --> 00:17:46,927 Oh, I'll take a gummy anything. 457 00:17:46,961 --> 00:17:48,211 I'm gonna get something really loud and crunchy 458 00:17:48,262 --> 00:17:49,546 so I can't hear myself think. 459 00:17:49,597 --> 00:17:51,064 A lot of fathers are concerned 460 00:17:51,099 --> 00:17:52,799 about sex during pregnancy... 461 00:17:52,817 --> 00:17:54,001 Oh, no. I'm not... I'm not... I'm not concerned. 462 00:17:54,079 --> 00:17:55,433 He's not the father! 463 00:17:55,463 --> 00:17:58,417 But, truthfully, it's fantastic for the baby. 464 00:17:58,454 --> 00:18:00,102 It strengthens the pelvic floor, 465 00:18:00,142 --> 00:18:01,676 increases blood flow to the uterus, 466 00:18:02,054 --> 00:18:03,871 and at the height of the sexual response cycle, 467 00:18:03,889 --> 00:18:06,261 it's like a fun little roller coaster ride for the baby. 468 00:18:06,262 --> 00:18:07,804 I wouldn't put my baby on a roller coaster. 469 00:18:07,814 --> 00:18:09,311 - Why are you here? - She's right. 470 00:18:09,312 --> 00:18:11,729 I don't want my baby on a roller coaster. It's dangerous. 471 00:18:11,763 --> 00:18:13,981 Your baby has not been on a roller coaster, okay? 472 00:18:14,016 --> 00:18:16,017 He'd better not have been, because we have a contract... (Sighs) 473 00:18:16,051 --> 00:18:17,818 - And if there is a breach... - The baby's not in breech. 474 00:18:17,853 --> 00:18:18,935 I will take your car! 475 00:18:18,976 --> 00:18:20,553 A contract? What's he talking about? 476 00:18:20,605 --> 00:18:22,490 I don't like the way you're behaving, Noah. 477 00:18:22,524 --> 00:18:23,896 It's like he's obsessed with Eden. 478 00:18:23,928 --> 00:18:25,195 Why are you here? 479 00:18:25,243 --> 00:18:26,777 This contract was not my idea. 480 00:18:28,028 --> 00:18:30,108 So that's why you don't want to be intimate with me, 481 00:18:30,123 --> 00:18:32,174 because you have a contract with Noah? 482 00:18:32,451 --> 00:18:33,617 Who does that?! 483 00:18:33,668 --> 00:18:34,952 Excuse me. I-I don't mean to interrupt, 484 00:18:35,003 --> 00:18:36,863 but I think all the fighting is stressing out the baby. 485 00:18:37,051 --> 00:18:38,356 I'm not sure if you guys can tell, 486 00:18:38,390 --> 00:18:40,291 but he's covering his little ears. 487 00:18:40,342 --> 00:18:42,409 (George, Sheila, Jill, and Noah) Oh. 488 00:18:42,427 --> 00:18:44,095 (Whispers) Ohh. 489 00:18:49,800 --> 00:18:52,735 This is insane. A crazy person wrote this. 490 00:18:52,806 --> 00:18:54,825 I know. I know, but when Noah wants something, 491 00:18:54,836 --> 00:18:56,036 he can be very intense. 492 00:18:56,087 --> 00:18:58,260 (Chuckles) Yeah. I've seen that firsthand. 493 00:18:58,307 --> 00:19:00,141 I was just... I was trying to preserve our friendship, 494 00:19:00,159 --> 00:19:01,610 but after today, I don't care. 495 00:19:01,644 --> 00:19:04,045 All I care about is being with you. 496 00:19:04,472 --> 00:19:07,282 George, I can't live like this. 497 00:19:07,316 --> 00:19:11,169 That ultrasound image will haunt me forever. 498 00:19:11,204 --> 00:19:13,422 My only job is to make sure 499 00:19:13,456 --> 00:19:16,091 that this baby has a healthy and happy gestation, 500 00:19:16,125 --> 00:19:18,593 and... I failed. 501 00:19:18,628 --> 00:19:19,856 You didn't fail. 502 00:19:20,302 --> 00:19:23,120 No, I-I mean, it's not me. 503 00:19:23,294 --> 00:19:24,560 It's them. 504 00:19:25,087 --> 00:19:29,224 I can't stay here, not after what I saw today. 505 00:19:29,344 --> 00:19:32,847 This house is toxic, and for the good of the baby 506 00:19:33,007 --> 00:19:35,123 and my own sanity, 507 00:19:35,157 --> 00:19:37,242 I've gotta go back to Montana. 508 00:19:39,224 --> 00:19:40,443 Eden, I'm sorry, 509 00:19:40,911 --> 00:19:43,076 but I can't let that happen. 510 00:19:46,181 --> 00:19:47,251 But I like working here, 511 00:19:47,247 --> 00:19:49,546 and I like spending time with you. (Whispers) Ohh. 512 00:19:49,602 --> 00:19:51,421 (Normal voice) I like spending time with you, too, 513 00:19:51,577 --> 00:19:54,362 but it'll be part-time, not full-time. 514 00:19:54,380 --> 00:19:56,698 Tessa, nothing's more important than family, 515 00:19:56,716 --> 00:19:58,436 and you have to make time for yours, 516 00:19:59,287 --> 00:20:00,702 and from the sound of things, 517 00:20:00,720 --> 00:20:02,880 that might include Eden now, too. 518 00:20:03,205 --> 00:20:05,498 Dad can't dictate who my family is. 519 00:20:05,725 --> 00:20:08,393 I'm happy for him and all, but I hardly know Eden. 520 00:20:08,426 --> 00:20:09,102 She's just a... 521 00:20:09,131 --> 00:20:11,082 Pregnant vagabond? (Whispers) Ohh. 522 00:20:11,466 --> 00:20:13,696 (Normal voice) Told myself I wasn't gonna say that. 523 00:20:14,884 --> 00:20:16,050 (Water runs, faucet turns off) 524 00:20:16,068 --> 00:20:17,152 (Door closes) 525 00:20:18,389 --> 00:20:20,739 Well, Dallas officially cut my hours back. 526 00:20:20,773 --> 00:20:21,940 Hope you're happy. 527 00:20:22,695 --> 00:20:23,689 I'm not. 528 00:20:23,737 --> 00:20:25,453 I-I-I went about it the wrong way, 529 00:20:25,495 --> 00:20:26,604 and I'm sorry, Tessa, 530 00:20:26,647 --> 00:20:28,964 but I didn't like what that money was doing to you, 531 00:20:28,995 --> 00:20:32,047 and... and I want us to have more family time at home. 532 00:20:32,088 --> 00:20:33,305 Yeah? 533 00:20:33,669 --> 00:20:36,621 I really, really hope the motivation behind this 534 00:20:36,661 --> 00:20:38,394 isn't forcing me to hang out with your pregnant girlfriend, 535 00:20:38,407 --> 00:20:40,592 'cause... (Scoffs) That's not gonna happen. 536 00:20:40,676 --> 00:20:41,858 (Doorbell rings) 537 00:20:42,845 --> 00:20:44,100 (Sighs) 538 00:20:46,027 --> 00:20:47,784 Well, that's the thing, Tessa. 539 00:20:48,648 --> 00:20:50,170 It kinda is. 540 00:20:54,357 --> 00:20:55,607 No, I... I got it. I got it. I got it. 541 00:20:55,641 --> 00:20:56,608 You got it? Yeah. (Chuckles) 542 00:20:56,642 --> 00:20:57,642 (Chuckles) Here we go. 543 00:20:57,693 --> 00:20:58,846 Oh. Hi. 544 00:20:59,613 --> 00:21:00,779 (George) It's just temporally, 545 00:21:00,813 --> 00:21:03,119 we're not "officially" moving in together. 546 00:21:03,220 --> 00:21:06,276 I wanted to discuss it with you, but there just wasn't time. 547 00:21:06,646 --> 00:21:08,413 Come on, Tessa. Don't be mad. 548 00:21:08,917 --> 00:21:11,389 The parent-child relationship is a strange one. 549 00:21:11,440 --> 00:21:13,107 You grow up thinking they're superheroes 550 00:21:13,125 --> 00:21:14,459 who can do no wrong, 551 00:21:14,493 --> 00:21:16,778 but then one day the cape comes off 552 00:21:16,796 --> 00:21:19,005 and you see them for who they really are, 553 00:21:19,080 --> 00:21:20,747 and if you don't like what you see... 554 00:21:21,523 --> 00:21:22,154 (Snoring) 555 00:21:22,172 --> 00:21:23,078 Tough luck. 556 00:21:23,124 --> 00:21:24,476 You're stuck together. 557 00:21:24,827 --> 00:21:28,182 Why? Because you're family. 558 00:21:29,548 --> 00:21:31,395 Unless, of course... 559 00:21:34,123 --> 00:21:35,439 You're not. 560 00:21:37,851 --> 00:21:39,161 (Door creaks and closes) 561 00:21:39,609 --> 00:21:43,898 Sync and corrected by dr.jackson for www.addic7ed.com